This isn’t my first coffee of 2013, but it is the first coffee of my new year. I’m not really one for resolutions. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever made one–not a serious one anyway. So here goes. My first ever New Years Resolution: to be fearless.
No, I did not get that from the Taylor Swift song (though I do love her I’ve never really been a fan of that particular melody). All week I’ve been snipping at the Hubbster. The last time that happened was when we were freshmen in college and I was at Miami of Ohio. It ended when he said “Jenny, you’re not happy there.” And he was right. I really wasn’t. I was just afraid to admit it. Why, I’m not really sure. Once I got it though, I went full speed. I spent the next 3 days putting together my transfer application to Illinois. I had missed the deadline (which was in January) but could still apply if I included a letter of petition and got it all in by March 1st. I didn’t find out the decision until my last day of finals. I had been calling the admissions office every day because I really didn’t want to go back to Miami. Then my online status finally changed from “Committee Review” to “Accepted.” That was a good day.
Moral of that long story: I figured out I was unhappy, identified the problem, and worked relentlessly to do something about it.
Last night when the Hubbster said “why have you been so angry this week?” I knew exactly why. Because I’ve been afraid to go after what I want. And what kills me is that I’ve actually known for a long time. I’ve just been afraid, like I was then. But not anymore.
I want to be a writer. I want to build up my blog into something special and marketable. I want to write romantic comedy type novels. I want my novels to be turned into movies. I want to study improv and acting, have supporting roles in the movies my books are turned into, and be a companion on Doctor Who (that last one is a long shot since I am American, but I think Steven Moffat could make it work). I want to be interviewed on the Daily Show and tell Jon Stewart that he is number 3 on my celebrity sex list. He will blush and it will be awesome. Most importantly I want to stop being embarrassed or scared about saying that these are things I want. In fact, I’m going to put them on the Internet, so I can’t take them back.
It’s going to be a good year.