Um, when did I turn into an old woman?

I'm only 24, but sometimes I feel like I'm 80.

When I was in college, the weekend started on Wednesday. Actually, Tuesday. No. Monday. Let’s just admit it, the weekend never ended. College was one perpetual weekend. Bars would be crowded on Monday nights, every morning held the possibility for a hangover, and a case of Keystone Light or a box of Franzia was at the top of every grocery list. Going to bed “early” meant before 2 a.m., and going to a class freshly showered was unlikely before noon. I think I used the phrase “Not tonight, I’m tired” once, and I’m sure it was followed by heavy laughter and tequila shots.

I understand that college is a different environment. It’s a bubble. You’re only in class for 3-5 hours a day, all of your friends live in walking distance, and more often than not, drink specials include $2 pitchers (sometimes those $2 pitchers were of rum and coke. God I miss college). But even when I was an intern, we went out almost every night and go to work at 9 the next morning. Then I’d come home, grab some dinner, pregame and go out again.

How the hell did I do that?

I have no idea when the exact moment was that I became an old woman. It just happened. One day I woke up and noticed numerous differences about my life habits.

1) It takes me about 3 days to recover from a heavy night of drinking. I may not feel sick on day 3, but I am still a level of exhausted that can only be explained by alcohol.

2) I can’t stay up for the Daily Show anymore. I partly blame this on the Eastern time zone, because it’s not on until 11. But still. 11? I can’t maintain enough function to sit on the couch and watch a television show past 11??

3) “Normal” drinking hours have shifted. It used to be that I wouldn’t even think of going out before 10:30. But now, drinking events are often happy hours that start at 6 and have me home (and fairly tipsy) by 9. Parties and bar trips on the weekends usually start around 8, and I’m embarrassed to admit it, I’m almost always home around midnight.

4) I watch the news sometimes. And Brian Williams tops the list of 5 celebrities I’m allowed to sleep with. Alright, he has been there for awhile, that may just be me being weird and not being an old lady. But still.

5) I say things like “teenagers these days drive me crazy” and “my children won’t have a cell phone until they’re in high school, and it won’t be a smart phone!” and “when AOL first came out” and “back in my day, yada yada yada, insert chosen outdated piece of nostalgia here.”

It’s really starting to freak me out. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet. I’m still young and vibrant and ready to take on the world! Or am I ready to have a glass of wine and watch Murder She Wrote…..? Like most 20-somethings at the start of their careers, I am shocked and appalled at my lack of stamina post-college, but let’s face it. This present-40-hr-work-week takes awhile to adjust to. Maybe if I give it more time I’ll be able to go out more than once a week.

Here’s hoping.


10 thoughts on “Um, when did I turn into an old woman?

  1. No; it’s pretty much all over for you. I am twenty eight and if I get to drinking on a weeknight after work; it’s pretty much guaranteed that I am pretending like getting hammered on cheap scotch is just my way of being writerly. Case in point, last night I sat down with (an altogether too tall) glass of whisky and started working on a post for my blog, Unnecessary Words. Needless to say, that post was finished on my lunch break today.


  2. I’m really glad you posted this. I found myself having the same “what HAPPENED?!” moment the other night. I would routinely pull all nighters, sometimes 2 in a row, in college. Now I’m in bed by 10, 10:30 on a bad night. If I know I’m suppose to go out late, I take a nap at some other point during the day. I knew as soon as I started judging the way high school and middle school kids dressed and used the phrase “I would never let my child go out like that” I knew I was down and out for the count.


  3. It’s over. I went out for a great night of fun and was asleep at 9:30 (because it’s a work night, duh). Worse, I was sporting a hangover when I woke up at 6:00 am for my morning run. My first thought? I am too old for this crap, where crap isn’t the word I actually used. I am 32, dammit. When did I get so old?


  4. I used to be able to go for all-nighters, either out drinking and hassling random people with friends, or playing videogames till the glare of the morning sun reflecting off our TV/monitor stopped us. Now if I watch that one extra episode of Bones after midnight, I have trouble waking up in the morning.

    If you’re feeling this already, you might wondering the other thing that bugs me, which is “Where the hell is my metabolism?” I swear, mine didn’t fade away gracefully… it just packed up its bags and left one night, leaving me with flab that won’t go away.


  5. I’m 27 going on 28 and officially, definitely old. Sorry, I could tell you it’s not over, but I think it is. After 24 it’s all downhill to old-woman-ness.

    Right now, after a half hour session at the gym after work, I can just about eat dinner, watch some TV and then drift off to sleep by about 10pm on the sofa. It’s a sad, sad world!


  6. you know its d same story here…when i was in college i was d only one living far…but i dint mind driving my scooter to college everyday…my friends used to ask me dont u get tired n i was like “no..its so fun to drive…with my speed takes half time”
    now when i have to go that side of the town to meet someone…am like “man! how far is this place?”

    and im just 26…n i end up saying “teenagers these days”….weird right.. 😛


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