First of all, I love you dearly and am very happy that you are my friend and dating my bestie Ally. I also know that your car is a Mercedes and is nice and drives very fast and you like it.
Glad we got that settled.
Now, I hate to break it to you, but your car is silly.
1) It is bright yellow. Now, I am on record as saying that I love the color yellow, and I do. But not on a car. What’s wrong with black? Silver? Electric blue? All fine choices. But yellow?
2) You get more parking tickets than the average person. Why? Because your car is bright yellow and can be seen from space, where satellites relay your illegally parked location to the nearest cop. Science.
3) You can never teepee someone because the brightness of your car will wake them from their slumber and they will catch you teepee-handed. Then you will be arrested, and you are pretty so you won’t do well in prison.
4) It only has 2 seats. I know you are neither married nor have children, so you don’t need a mini van or anything, but think of all those times you need to seat more than two people. It’s a lot. Especially since you do community theater where there are a lot of girls always needing rides. You know we travel in packs, and you can’t give 2+ girls a ride anywhere in that car.
5) It will make us cancel an awesome getaway weekend. The hubbster and I go on double dates with you. What if we had this awesome snowboarding weekend planned, but our car breaks down. You will then have to drive all 4of us, and no one likes to have 4 people with snowboarding equipment stuffed into a teeny tiny 2-person cab. I will complain a lot, and I hope you are prepared to be the reason we can’t go snowboarding.
6) Seriously, it is obnoxiously yellow. You once said to me that when you got your car, guys told you that chicks were “only going to like you for your car.” I can promise you, that is not the case. You have many lovely qualities, but your car is not one of them.
I hope you take these things to heart in your next vehicle purchase.
All my love,